A RANT DOWN THE RAVE…
Stupid People on the London Underground
By Seb Pidgeon of untitled1961
I was walking wistfully along Holloway Road the other day, thinking about the Vapour Trail and its general greatness, when I remembered Julia Justice's vegetarian rant in the second Vapour Trail magazine. Who could forget her utter contempt for those who continue to "let animals die 'cos you fancy a bit'a steak'" Well, this got me thinking about something that really chortles my Stanley. Stupid people on the Underground.
Now, these people may not actually be stupid. They might wake up play chess with their highly trained mongoose and discover a cure for bad aids before they've eaten their morning croissant. But when I see yet another moron stab frantically at the 'open door' button as the Tube train comes to a halt in a station, I want to whisk out their eyes and replace their hands with live grenades. 'Do you not understand you have no control over the opening of the doors, you fucknut?!' I cry as I write TWAT across their forehead in permanent marker.
How many times have you descended the stairs to a platform, only to be greeted by what looks like a Weightwatchers day trip group wearing baseball caps and backpacks staring at the list of stations each platform will take them to as if Jesus Christ himself had appeared in front of them and started to bark like a dog on his hands and knees. Do they not know where they're going? They must know what station they want, or at least whether it is North/South/East/West from where they are? Perhaps they should exchange that next cheeseburger and mega-fries for an A to Z.
I walk, hot and bothered along a crowded platform, one of many walking in what has now become a single file line. Suddenly, as if their heart had stopped or brain had fallen out of their mouth, the person in front of me stops, as if a brick wall had in that second been placed ahead of them. Not because the person in front of them has stopped also, rather simply because they have decided this is where they will stand and wait for the next train. Do they believe they are the only person walking along the platform? Did they all of a sudden remember they left the iron on, and their house is burning down with their children, pets and incontinent mother inside? They're probably too stupid to care as I hurl them in front of the oncoming train, to the applause of my fellow travellers.
One last thing: those who run, run like hares to get on the train, doors already closing. Can't you just wait the entire 2 minutes for the next train? You will save yourself embarrassment, stress and potential injury! Please citizens, relax- or be forever stupid.
www.myspace.com/untitled1961
Stupid People on the London Underground
By Seb Pidgeon of untitled1961
I was walking wistfully along Holloway Road the other day, thinking about the Vapour Trail and its general greatness, when I remembered Julia Justice's vegetarian rant in the second Vapour Trail magazine. Who could forget her utter contempt for those who continue to "let animals die 'cos you fancy a bit'a steak'" Well, this got me thinking about something that really chortles my Stanley. Stupid people on the Underground.
Now, these people may not actually be stupid. They might wake up play chess with their highly trained mongoose and discover a cure for bad aids before they've eaten their morning croissant. But when I see yet another moron stab frantically at the 'open door' button as the Tube train comes to a halt in a station, I want to whisk out their eyes and replace their hands with live grenades. 'Do you not understand you have no control over the opening of the doors, you fucknut?!' I cry as I write TWAT across their forehead in permanent marker.
How many times have you descended the stairs to a platform, only to be greeted by what looks like a Weightwatchers day trip group wearing baseball caps and backpacks staring at the list of stations each platform will take them to as if Jesus Christ himself had appeared in front of them and started to bark like a dog on his hands and knees. Do they not know where they're going? They must know what station they want, or at least whether it is North/South/East/West from where they are? Perhaps they should exchange that next cheeseburger and mega-fries for an A to Z.
I walk, hot and bothered along a crowded platform, one of many walking in what has now become a single file line. Suddenly, as if their heart had stopped or brain had fallen out of their mouth, the person in front of me stops, as if a brick wall had in that second been placed ahead of them. Not because the person in front of them has stopped also, rather simply because they have decided this is where they will stand and wait for the next train. Do they believe they are the only person walking along the platform? Did they all of a sudden remember they left the iron on, and their house is burning down with their children, pets and incontinent mother inside? They're probably too stupid to care as I hurl them in front of the oncoming train, to the applause of my fellow travellers.
One last thing: those who run, run like hares to get on the train, doors already closing. Can't you just wait the entire 2 minutes for the next train? You will save yourself embarrassment, stress and potential injury! Please citizens, relax- or be forever stupid.
www.myspace.com/untitled1961
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